Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Irksome Blog Alert: Fat or Pregnant?

Last week TheGloss posted an item about the website Fat or Pregnant? (I'm not linking to it because F or P? doesn't deserve more traffic.) I'm sure you can guess, but the site consists of photos of unfortunate people along with speculations about their gestational status. TheGloss ladies were curious to know if people found F or P? funny.

I did not.

I know, you're shocked, shocked by my reaction.

Often, people ask me if I am pregnant. I am not. But apparently I look about 4 months pregnant. Unfortunately.

I'll give you some recent examples. A woman comes to pick up her daughter from the Girl Scout meeting. (I'm co-leader of my daughter's Daisy troop). I am wearing a voluminous horizontally striped tunic from Anthropologie. "When are you due?" she asks pleasantly? "I'm not," I say. I need to get out of there. I pack my kid in the car, race home, tear the shirt off, and put it in a giveaway bag. My mood is black. I hate myself for caring.

The dry cleaner: "You having a baby right now?" A mom collecting her son from a playdate at my house: "Congratulations!" Guess what, lady? Your son can't play here anymore. He can stay home and read Fat or Pregnant.


  1. Ten bucks says there's a picture of me on the site! And I'm F, not P. :)

  2. It's an extension of people thinking your body is their business. I've stemmed the tide of a lot of this by simply owning my fatness. My body, my fatness, my business.

    Although there was one extended conversation I had a few years ago that sums up the limitations brought on by making assumptions. A little girl who played on the steps outside my apartment kept asking me about the baby in my tummy.

    "There's no baby, I'm just fat," I told her.

    One day she got a very impatient expression on her face. "But you can't be fat! You're pretty!"

    And therein lies one more sample of cognitive dissonance.

  3. What a ridiculous site! People are crazy. I'm in the average to thin range, but since basically all food makes me bloated, even my own father asked me if I was pregnant once. It sucks, people should keep their mouths shut!

  4. I'm pudgy (at best), so the minute I get pregnant out come the maternity clothes. I want to make damn sure I get to enjoy my 10 months of pregnancy and not dressing to 'minimize' my size. That said, I worked in retail for many years.

    I gave the same advice to all my employees and wish I could shout it to the world, "I don't care what she's wearing, if she's carrying a Motherhood bag, if she's waddling - unless you can see a baby emerging from her vagina at that very moment, SAY NOTHING! If she wants to discuss, she'll volunteer."

  5. I got the "You don't look pregnant at all!" statement constantly. Really? Am I supposed to feel flattered? (I gave birth to a nine pound baby.) Exactly how big did I look to you before I was pregnant? One woman ran me down in the hospital to tell me she couldn't tell I was pregnant at all from behind. "That's because I'm not carrying the baby in my butt." And naturally, practically the only thing sold in plus sizes after I was done having babies were those kimono tops that made EVERYONE look pregnant.

    As far as I'm concerned, having had two high risk pregnancies, the only policy should be one of waiting to comment until information is volunteered by the pregnant woman herself.

  6. "I hate myself for caring."

    I feel this way at least twice a day.

  7. This has happened to me three times. It's such a horrible feeling. :(

  8. Thank you, Christina! I've always tried to have a witty comeback ready, but it doesn't change the feeling that my stomach is grotesque and I've failed the mandatory six-pack requirement. I actually am pregnant now, and it's the first time in my 37 years that I can actually say "yes." It's a ridiculous, temporary relief from the horror of always having my guard up. I've recently had fun messing with people who asked when I was due, staring at them blankly like, "I'm not pregnant." Just a little sensitivity training!

  9. I actually say, "I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat." People don't know what to say. Even worse- the last time someone said that to me- it was a woman who easily outweighed me. When I shot back,"I'm just fat," she looked down and muttered, "Oh. You're not fat. I'm fat."


  10. Happened to me too. And I wore an Anthropology top that I loved (and since have donated to Goodwill for obvious reasons). My husband and I stood in an elevator and an older lady asked me if I was pregnant. I looked at her with my best poker face and told her: 'No, not pregnant, fat!" That shut her up. And husband did not say a word! Heh!

  11. i get it too. totally bothers my family and sisters when they hear it, but i figure i've got a tummy and no one is saying it to be mean spirited.

    i either correct or don't... but i try not to let it bother me. owning my body for me means not being offended by what other people think is going on with it. if others think i look chubby or pregnant or both, i figure i just look like me.