Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Park Like a Jerk

I didn't feel like fixing this one

It's just a short walk to the curb

I have been driving for 5 or 6 years now, but I still can't park. In fact, I don't park. I just stop the car and turn it off. Then I get out and walk away as quickly as possible. I've trained my kids to do the same. We have a small car, as you can see, so I sort of feel justified in not getting right next to the curb; even with my incompetent parking, my car still takes up less room than the average suburban mini-van.

It's not just parallel parking that gives me trouble. I think I may have a problem with depth perception; in all honesty, I should not be on the road at all. (I hope none of my car pool partners are reading this.) I don't always get completely between the lines in a lot.  I just leave it as is, bolting from the car at top speed, hoping to avoid any friends, especially the ones who make fun of me, Mark Schroeder. The car is easy to spot, because we have the only 10-year-old Ford Focus with a country club bumper magnet in town.

My parking deficiency is slightly embarrassing, but I just don't know what to do about it. I can't have my husband teach me how to park, not if we are going to stay married.

My k-turn kicks ass, though.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day?

I love the jazz standard "My Funny Valentine," even if the lyrics, written in 1937, and sung with Germanic iciness by Nico in the top version, are downright cruel. "Your looks are laughable/unphotographable/stay little Valentine/stay." Yeah, stick around so I can insult you some more. "Is your figure not as Greek?/Is your mouth a little weak?/when you open it to speak/are you smart?" The girl that Frank Sinatra sings to in the bottom video shakes her head no at that line. (She may be his daughter, which makes it even more nuts.) I also like the Buble version, but I'm not posting it because my husband is freaked out by my Buble fascination. Happy Valentine's day to all the masochists. And also, the non-masochists.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Video Friday

Well hello. It's that time again, Video Friday. Which does not actually occur every Friday, but just whatever Friday I feel like sharing a video. Being able to post what, when and if you want: this is the benefit of having no boss and just a small group of readers. The drawbacks include no income or status, but let's be positive, shall we? It's Video Friday! Here we go, sharing "Bad Feeling" by Veronica Falls. I love how deadpan, yet romantic and sort of 60s and British it is, like they've all escaped from boarding school and Mummy will be bloody pissed when she finds out. I know about this video because it was posted by a Facebook friend, none other than Erin Smith of Bratmobile. I sure do like it, but I can't tell you anything about the band since I don't have time to google them before picking up my daughter. Just go to to learn more; apparently they are playing in Philadelphia tonight. I will say that the song kind of reminds me of "Hazy Shade of Winter" by the Bangles, which I am posting below. Bonus glimpses of young Robert Downey Jr. and Andrew McC in Less Than Zero. Anyway, good Video Friday to you. See ya.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Even the 21 Jump Street movie is all about ME

They've shot a movie version of 21 Jump Street, the tv show that made Johnny Depp a star in the 80s. I don't have anything to say about the movie; I don't even know exactly when it will be released. Whatever, I'll leave the facts and criticism to someone who feels like researching and watching that thing.

What I want to talk about are these pictures of me with Johnny and his high school friend Sal, who was also on the show. It was December 1987 and I had just started working at Sassy. Jane wanted a writer to get a part as an extra on a tv show, and then file what we called a "writer participation story." Someone on staff thought of 21 Jump Street. I knew nothing about the show. Somehow I was entertainment editor even though I didn't have a tv. I was a young single girl in NYC who hadn't needed one. I liked to go out to dance clubs and had been working at Footwear News.

I got on a plane to Vancouver, where they shot Jump Street.  Johnny played an undercover cop in a high school. He was so exceedingly good-looking that you almost had to avert your eyes. And quite short, like almost all actors. They were filming a flashback scene to his 1970s prom. That is why he is wearing what I remember as a pale blue tuxedo. In the scene (in which I was visible on the episode for approximately .1 second), I wore a 70s prom dress, which was interesting because I actually went to the prom in 1979.*  They filmed a make out scene, and after, he complained that the girl he kissed had bad breath.

After they finished shooting, Johnny was feeling goofy so he grabbed a baby doll, and a plunger, and Sal got ahold of that net. Notice they were both smoking. Shenanigans! We were having a ball! Then we all went back to my hotel, where they had all lived, to hang out until the wee hours; Johnny literally fell asleep. (At no point did I actually do any interviews. The whole story was just about being an extra, which is incredible to me. He was a much bigger star than I knew, and honestly, I had no clue what I was doing. Some readers were pissed that I didn't ask him anything.)

They left, eventually, Johnny and his buddies; nothing untoward happened, much to my disappointment. The next morning, Sal called me to see if I could stay for the rest of the weekend. See, he was the one who liked me, which is why they came over.  Sigh. I got on the plane.

P.S. A few years later, I interviewed Johnny for a cover story for Sassy at his house in the Hollywod Hills. You can find it on the internet; it's called "Johnny Depp A to Z." He wasn't nearly as friendly that time, but on the plus side, Winona was there.

P.P.S. I spent this morning in the attic looking for these photos, even though I had planned to vaccuum the crumbs out of the couch cushions. I fell into a rabbit hole of old pictures, letters, articles, and a stack of stickers of the Sassy and Nirvana logos. (It was a giveway in the magazine; one Sassy and one Nirvana logo on the same sheet. I will send a sticker sheet to the reader who leaves the best comment.)

*I had already changed out of the prom clothes by the time we took the top picture, and I think that jacket belonged to a P.A., who lent it to me because I was whining about the cold. My hair is just out-of-control sweet. Those bangs, that volume; I paid someone money to give me that cut.

Note: This post seemed to call for a lot of semi-colons. I am not sure why.