Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I Park Like a Jerk

I didn't feel like fixing this one

It's just a short walk to the curb

I have been driving for 5 or 6 years now, but I still can't park. In fact, I don't park. I just stop the car and turn it off. Then I get out and walk away as quickly as possible. I've trained my kids to do the same. We have a small car, as you can see, so I sort of feel justified in not getting right next to the curb; even with my incompetent parking, my car still takes up less room than the average suburban mini-van.

It's not just parallel parking that gives me trouble. I don't always get completely between the lines in a lot.  I just leave it, and then my friends make fun of me. The car is easy to spot, because we have the only 10-year-old Ford Focus with a country club bumper magnet in town.

My parking deficiency is slightly embarrassing, but I just don't know what to do about it. I can't have my husband teach me how to park, not if we are going to stay married.

My k-turn kicks ass, though.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day?

I love the jazz standard "My Funny Valentine," even if the lyrics, written in 1937, and sung with Germanic iciness by Nico in the above version, are downright cruel. "Your looks are laughable/unphotographable/stay little Valentine/stay." Yeah, stick around so I can insult you some more. "Is your figure not as Greek?/Is your mouth a little weak?/when you open it to speak/are you smart?" The girl that Frank Sinatra sings to in the bottom video shakes her head no at that line. (She may be his daughter, which makes it even more nuts.) I also like the Buble version, but I'm not posting it because my husband is freaked out by my Buble fascination. Happy Valentine's day to all the masochists. And also, the non-masochists.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Video Friday


Well hello. It's that time again, Video Friday. Which does not actually occur every Friday, but just whatever Friday I feel like sharing a video. Being able to post what, when and if you want: this is the benefit of having no boss and just a small group of readers. The drawbacks include no income or status, but let's be positive, shall we? It's Video Friday! Here we go, sharing "Bad Feeling" by Veronica Falls. I love how deadpan, yet romantic and sort of 60s and British it is, like they've all escaped from boarding school and Mummy will be bloody pissed when she finds out. I know about this video because it was posted by a Facebook friend, none other than Erin Smith of Bratmobile. I sure do like it, but I can't tell you anything about the band since I don't have time to google them before picking up my daughter. Just go to veronicafalls.com to learn more; apparently they are playing in Philadelphia tonight. I will say that the song kind of reminds me of "Hazy Shade of Winter" by the Bangles, which I am posting below. Bonus glimpses of young Robert Downey Jr. and Andrew McC in Less Than Zero. Anyway, good video Friday to you. See ya.



Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Even the 21 Jump Street movie is all about ME

They've shot a movie version of 21 Jump Street, the tv show that made Johnny Depp a star in the 80s. I don't have anything to say about the movie; I don't even know exactly when it will be released. Whatever, I'll leave the facts and criticism to someone who feels like researching and watching that thing.

What I want to talk about are these pictures of me with Johnny and his high school friend Sal, who was also on the show. It was December 1987 and I had just started working at Sassy. Jane wanted a writer to get a part as an extra on a tv show, and then file what we called a "writer participation story." Someone on staff thought of 21 Jump Street. I knew nothing about the show. Somehow I was entertainment editor even though I didn't have a tv. I was a young single girl in NYC who hadn't needed one. I liked to go out to dance clubs and had been working at Footwear News.

I got on a plane to Vancouver, where they shot Jump Street.  Johnny played an undercover cop in a high school. He was so exceedingly good-looking that you almost had to avert your eyes. And quite short, like almost all actors. They were filming a flashback scene to his 1970s prom. That is why he is wearing what I remember as a pale blue tuxedo. In the scene (in which I was visible on the episode for approximately .1 second), I wore a 70s prom dress, which was interesting because I actually went to the prom in 1979.*  They filmed a make out scene, and after, he complained that the girl he kissed had bad breath.

After they finished shooting, Johnny was feeling goofy so he grabbed a baby doll, and a plunger, and Sal got ahold of that net. Notice they were both smoking. Shenanigans! We were having a ball! Then we all went back to my hotel, where they had all lived, to hang out until the wee hours; Johnny literally fell asleep. (At no point did I actually do any interviews. The whole story was just about being an extra, which is incredible to me. He was a much bigger star than I knew, and honestly, I had no clue what I was doing. Some readers were pissed that I didn't ask him anything.)

They left, eventually, Johnny and his buddies; nothing untoward happened, much to my disappointment. The next morning, Sal called me to see if I could stay for the rest of the weekend. See, he was the one who liked me, which is why they came over.  Sigh. I got on the plane.

P.S. A few years later, I interviewed Johnny for a cover story for Sassy at his house in the Hollywod Hills. You can find it on the internet; it's called "Johnny Depp A to Z." He wasn't nearly as friendly that time, but on the plus side, Winona was there.

P.P.S. I spent this morning in the attic looking for these photos, even though I had planned to vaccuum the crumbs out of the couch cushions. I fell into a rabbit hole of old pictures, letters, articles, and a stack of stickers of the Sassy and Nirvana logos. (It was a giveway in the magazine; one Sassy and one Nirvana logo on the same sheet. I will send a sticker sheet to the reader who leaves the best comment.)

*I had already changed out of the prom clothes by the time we took the top picture, and I think that jacket belonged to a P.A., who lent it to me because I was whining about the cold. My hair is just out-of-control sweet. Those bangs, that volume; I paid someone money to give me that cut.

Note: This post seemed to call for a lot of semi-colons. I am not sure why.

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Princess Recommends...

I am so into this Old Chatham Sheepherding Company yogurt, which is creamy and yummy and provides 32% of your daily calcium. Yeah, calcium content excites me, especially since my mother cracked a vertebrae and suffers from debilitating back pain.  I am trying to avoid such a future, or at last postpone it. I also enjoy Total, Brown Cow and Siggi's, which is an Icelandic yogurt called Skyr that has elevated calcium levels. But this one is the most delicious. It's expensive, but the Princess' bone density is worth it, no? I gots to get myself back to Whole Foods for some more. Speaking of Whole Foods, I read about "Whole Foods Parking Lot" in yesterday's NYT, watched the video, and laughed my ass off. It's old (came out in June 2011), but so am I. Some guy takes the piss out of uptight Prius drivers getting aggro by the quinoa.


I like when this guy says "then I take it to the cheese counter."  And "pay my 80 bucks for 6 things and get the heck out. The express line is moving hella slow." I drove my family crazy all day reciting from and riffing on the video: "I'm going to take it to the stove now to make the ginger chicken;" "You're doing that homework hella slow;" etc. I amuse myself. The video takes place in LA, but things get just as real in the Montclair Whole Foods parking lot, post yoga.You don't want to be around me when my blood sugar is low.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Video Friday


Oh. My. God. I have always loved "Hello It's Me" by Todd Rundgren, but I had never before seen this 1973 performance on The Midnight Special. Boy am I happy to have stumbled on it when I got the urge to hear this song, right after I had the urge to hear The Fifth Dimension's "Wedding Bell Blues," which was inspired by Miss Pillsbury's rendition on Glee this week. There's a little taste of why my book remains unwritten.

Todd's look here is one of the sweetest I have ever seen in my life. The feathers over the eyebrows, the sort of winged suspenders, his dental deformity--I totally am a goner. Wait, I need to get another hit. Okay, I am back. Are his roots blue, or is it just the lighting? Because his fingertips look blue at one point. I completely support this fashion originality, and I hope Todd brings it to his upcoming shows at the City Winery.  My only complaint with this video, besides the subpar quality, is that there is not enough Todd. Less of the white grand piano, more feathery sweetness! Why the shot of the piano innards? More Todd!!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Princess of the Day

I love Downton Abbey. Oh yes. I am a sucker for a period drama, especially one shown on Masterpiece Theater. I love everything about this show--the comforting opening music, the intro by Laura Linney, the costumes, the total escape from my day to day responsibilities.  I don't care whether the show upholds my liberal values or what comment it is making on the class system. I just love the characters. When will Lady Mary and Cousin Matthew finally get together? What about Mr. Bates and Anna? I can't wait until next week.

And let me just say that I think some aspects of the life of Edwardian nobility would have suited me just fine. (I'm conveniently disregarding the inequalities of the era.)  Go ahead and judge me. I deserve my silly fantasies. At this moment my son is downstairs demanding I fix him some toaster waffles; would that I could have the kitchen staff see to it. Meanwhile, my hair, outfit and unmade bed could use the attention of a good lady's maid. Preferably one who won't injure me by leaving a bit of soap on the bathroom floor.

I especially am fond of Elizabeth McGovern, who plays Lady Cora. I don't remember seeing her in a movie since 1984 (Racing with the Moon with Sean Penn, to whom she was engaged before he married Madonna). She's been in London acting and raising the kids she has with her husband, a British director. How refreshing (and European?) that her face appears untouched by a surgeon's scalpel. She is almost exactly the same age as me (she turned 50 in July) and actually looks it! I mean this as a compliment. Name one other 50-year-old actress who appears 50. McGovern is very pretty, of course, but actually believable as the mother of grown daughters. I searched the internet and found this quote from an article in The Evening Standard:

Of cosmetic surgery, she says firmly: “It's always confused me why women do it. And the other thing that no one quite says is even if you've got your face perfectly smooth, as soon as you bring your hands up, or reveal your neck, the game's up. It's like two different people sewn on to the same frame."