Thursday, April 15, 2010

A case of mistaken identity

So a lot of women have the same name as I do. Not too surprising considering that Kelly is the second most popular Irish name, and as my mother says: "The Irish reproduce like rabbits. They populate the entire earth. It's disgusting." Christina is pretty common too. Don't get me wrong; I like my name. I just wish I didn't have to share it with so many people.

This is usually just a mild annoyance, as when the dry cleaner switches my clothes with those of the other Christina Kelly who goes there. Once a doctor called to tell me I had a sexually transmitted disease, only to ring back later to say, oops, she meant to notify her other patient named Christina Kelly.

However, a Christina Kelly who resides in Chattanooga, Tennessee has really fucked with me. Not only do we share the same name, our email addresses are almost identical. I mean, they are really easy to mix up. Thus she often gets email intended for me. Most of this is very mundane, such as reminders from our church that it's my turn to help in the Sunday school, notices from the kids' school, etc. Chattanooga C.K. deals with this in a truly unbelievable way. She doesn't let the sender know they've got the wrong lady. She just responds really rudely, and then they think I'm insane.

The first time this happened, about two years ago, a class mom had sent out a group email to make sure I was still bringing the paper plates for the party. Chattanooga C.K. fires off some crabby response, and EVERYONE THINKS IT'S ME! But nobody tells me about it. I just get funny looks in the A&P, and no one is calling for playdates, and basically the sea parts when I arrive at, say, a birthday party for pickup. Finally, weeks later, a mom of one of my son's friends, asks, "What was the deal with that email you sent?" And it all gets unraveled. But there was no undoing the damage. It was viral. I felt like every stay-at-home mom in the school thought I was a lunatic. I felt like I had sent the email.

About a week before Christmas, at about 10 pm, I was in my room reading when the doorbell rang. My husband answered it. I heard him say, "Hello, officer," and then a few seconds later he asked me to come downstairs. He and a police officer were standing near our newly decorated Christmas tree.

"Did you call a suicide hot line?" he asked. "A Christina Kelly called a suicide hot line, but she didn't give her address, so we're checking with all the Christina Kellys in the area." I had not called a suicide hot line. But I had been really depressed that weekend. So it was eerie.

10 comments:

  1. Wow. You have an evil Chattanoogan doppleganger. That would drive me totally insane -- the idea that someone was out there answering my emails. It's one of the reasons I didn't change my name when I got married. Sure, nobody can pronounce or spell my last name, but I never get mistaken for anyone else. I hope for your sake Chattanooga C.K. gets some Prozac. (awesome story, though -- love your writing)

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  2. i think you should go out, wreak havoc, and blame it on chattanooga c.k.

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  3. Have you tried emailing her? Clearly the lady has some issues.

    Come to think of it, how long has it been since you've had an incident with her?

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  4. I also have an evil name twin, due having a popular Irish last name. We have the exact same name, grew up in small towns right next to each other, and were born in the same year. Considering we went to the same doctor growing up, our files were always mixed up. I thought I'd shed her when I moved to the city, but through the glory of Facebook, I am still harassed by her past boyfriends, baby daddies, etc.

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  5. When ppl neglect to put the k in my gmail address the e-mail goes to a different mary clarke, but she found me (through a cc) and always sends me my e-mail. Funnily enough she used to live only a few blocks away from me but is now married and living in Florida. Thank god we got that sorted out and that she's a really nice person. What a nightmare for you, though...

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  6. Oh man, I wonder why Chattanooga Christina Kelly is so mean? I'd love to get someone else's email, I'd look for important life lessons in the messages. I definitely wouldn't be crabby about it.

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  7. Christina > I was just trying to figure out if it would be worth altering your email or wreaking vengeance when her mixups come your way. By the sounds of it, no. Or there was the possibility of contacting the doppelganger directly and working something out, although by the sounds of it, that's the last thing you should do.

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  8. Maybe it's time to change your email address?

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