Out Damned Spot

I have four new pairs of shorts. This is remarkable, because I rarely find pants/shorts that properly fit both my thickish waist and my thinnish hips. So when I discovered that those cute "boyfriend roll-ups" from the Gap work on me, I bought them in three different colors. Or three different "color-ways," as Andrea Lee Linett used to say in a heavy NY accent when she did her impression of a Garmento.

Obv. Not Me

I was wearing the orange ones all day Saturday, parading around up at the pool with a special "new shorts" glow. Then I repaired to my daughter's Girl Scouts bridging ceremony. When it was over, we walked home. After fixing dinner for my family, I removed the shorts, folded them, and put on my pajamas. The next morning I noticed it: a blackish stain across the back that looked something like tar.

When did this nasty spot appear? If at the pool, why didn't any of my supposed "friends" tip me off? If at Girl Scouts (likely since I was sitting on the ground), did all present assume I had had an unfortunate accident? And what about my husband? Does he not look at my derriere anymore?

I put stain remover on the icky black stuff and set it to soak.  Then, I turned my attention to my fourth new pair of shorts. This kicky pair is high-waisted and has a crazy floral print. I found them when I was shopping for a gift for my mom at Talbots. I never thought I would buy anything for myself at Talbots, but I began to see a Mad Men/Junior League-in-the-early-70s appeal in the merchandise. And the shorts fit me like a glove! They also conformed to my paltry budget. Sold.

I like how the wider leg almost makes them look like culottes

My husband was confused when I appeared, dressed for a going away party for some friends. "What are those?" he asked. "These are my adorable new excitement shorts," I said. I explained how I imagined Betty Draper wearing them to the country club.  He didn't agree. A curious look of recognition crossed his face. I realized the problem. "Do they remind you of your mother?" I asked.

"Kind of," he said. "And you have your shirt tucked in." I explained that I was showing off the flattering high waist. He looked dubious. But I did get some compliments from people I am not married to.

The point is, and this is truly incredible: when I took the shorts off last night, I noticed an identical stain as on the orange ones! I am now afraid to sit down anywhere.

And I've been soaking both pairs all night, but the stain won't come out. So now I have 2 new pairs of shorts. Unless anyone has any stain removal tips?