Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Non-Yogic Yoga Bitching

I have been practicing yoga on and off for 15 years. Fifteen years! I started at Jivamukti Yoga when they were in the funky walk-up studio on Second Avenue in the East Village. Some friends were going to a class, and I joined them. The famous David Life, co-founder of Jivamukti with Sharon Gannon, was my first teacher there. He is an awesome instructor, and though I am quite inflexible, both in body and mind, I was immediately hooked on Jivamukti. I loved looking at his craggy face, ponytail and hoop earrings, and I think he used to wear purple leggings. Or at least I wore some. He was so calm, down to earth, yet spiritual. I came to rely on all the other teachers, too, and the relaxed way I felt after class. (And as it was winter and I was a freelance writer, my evening yoga class also inspired me to leave the apartment and interact with other humans.)

I chanted with Krishna Das, hit some Ananda Ashram retreats and showed up for at least three classes per week. I even learned to do full backbends for the first time in my life! By the time I got married 4 years later, I sometimes made it to class as many as five times a week, literally crawling out of my cubicle at Jane so the managing editor wouldn't catch me and make me stay at work.

After the wedding, I quickly become pregnant. I suffered from terrible morning sickness and was too exhausted to attend a rigorous class. I did a bit of prenatal yoga, and birthed my son with the aid of yoga breathing (and a nice epidural--AWW YEAH!!). When I was on maternity leave I would take him to a "mommy and baby" yoga class. My practice never really returned to its former glory, though. I had a full-time job and a baby, and soon after that a house and a commute.

Weeks after the move to the suburbs, I fell down the stairs while sweeping and broke my foot. I was in a cast for six weeks, and the minute they sawed it off, I was pregnant again. I very occasionally hit a prenatal yoga class. I had not a prayer of achieving a full back bend.

Two folded magazines later, I decided to become a full-time mother. While my daughter was in preschool, I slowly made my way back to yoga at an Anusara studio I can walk to. Like everything else, yoga has to be planned around the kids' schedules.

Okay. That was a lot more about my yoga history than I was planning to write. Here's my bitch: I went to class today, and I feel like crap. I blame this not on the teacher, who is one of the best I've ever known. It's just that I hate partner poses. Hate them. Always have, always will. The purpose of partner poses, in case you don't know from yoga and are still reading (although I don't know why you would be), is to demonstrate proper alignment. But, did I say I hate it? I'm often worried that I'm not doing the assist properly, and yet when the teacher gives instructions, I zone out.

Also, I dread the moment when the teacher says, "find a partner," and certain people don't turn to the person next to them, but instead look around for someone worthy. This happened to me today. The lady next to me, who I recognize from many classes, dissed me for a yogi in the back row. I halfheartedly located a spare person. She complained that she couldn't feel my assist. The assist was literally to squeeze the person's butt (or sits bones, in yoga parlance) simultaneously together and down. Who wants to do that to someone you don't know? And smell their butt smells? I mean, really? No amount of OMing is going to make that ok.

And then my partner proceeded to press down on me so hard that I quite literally have a pain in my ass. Ouch. I know the fact that I don't like partner poses says something negative about me. Perhaps it's that I can't comfortably work with people, trust them, do what they expect of me.

Or maybe I just don't want to smell their butts.

18 comments:

  1. Wow, I go to yoga semi-regularly and have never, ever had to do partner poses. I'm pretty sure experiencing it would cause me to have some sort of panic attack. I'd have to fake sick and leave.

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  2. i will never feel pressure to enjoy yoga again. thank you for this freeing post, especially that butt part.

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  3. Do you think you fooled me by crawling out of your cube?! Ha... I just wanted you to think you were fooling me.

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  4. I was once in a yoga class where the teacher just assigned us partners for partner poses, and we were doing handstands, and I was paired up with a cute guy. His crotch was right in my face when he did his handstand and vice versa. It was not at all sexy. It was extremely awkward. There was blushing.

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  5. This made me laugh! I HATE partner poses--is it an Anusara thing? My favorite instructor moved away a few years ago, and she was the only one at the studio who taught Anusara. I loved her so dearly, but would internally gag when it was time to partner up.

    And yes, the butt smells, slippery, sweaty stranger skin, and awkward positioning of the assists was always very . . . unsettling? And I never knew if I was doing it right.

    So happy to hear I'm not alone in this!

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  6. Love yoga. Love people. Would never ever for any reason whatsoever do a partner pose with anyone except for my husband. Ever.

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  7. Um...I think I would never want to participate in partner-yoga with anyone but my husband. Yuck.

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  8. As someone who's done a lot of teacher training... and taken lots of Anusara classes... let me add what I have heard about partnering.

    It is done to make sure everyone gets to FEEL that extra something that the assist gives you, it is also done to promote relationships and get people to interact because we live in a "touch starved society" - and to build community, and sometimes it is just done because there's too many people in the room to work individually at the wall.

    These are the reasons I've heard anyway. I've really gotten used to partnering over the years, but that's just me. BUT I make it a point not to have my own students do it - because obviously, most people hate it.

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  9. Count me in on the partner pose hatred. The only person who is allowed to touch me in yoga class is the instructor, and even then I sometimes tense up semi-unconsciously. Smooshing someone else's butt? NO THANK YOU.

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  10. I think that many things in life, like Yoga, are amazing. And because they are amazing we feel the obligation to do it often. This week was my turn to find out that I don't need to do everything that is amazing just because it is amazing. Weird explanation? I know. To need or not to need.

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  11. I hate any class (any class!) that requires you to partner up. The weird awkward moment when you scan the room, try to make/avoid eye contact. It's so grade school. And yoga class especially - I'm not qualified to make sure somebody doesn't break their neck.

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  12. Thanks everyone for your comments. April, I appreciate your perspective.
    Also, I feel a wee bit guilty about complaining about yoga. I really do love it, and it keeps me from becoming completely insane.

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  13. I teach yoga and I have never made people do partner poses, even though I sometimes think it would be beneficial. I know that it creeps most people out and really, is that what yoga is about? Not worth it.

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  14. I just have say I didn't remember that you broke your foot. I guess we didn't know each other well then.
    And i did do a partner class once with my actual husband, it was very nice. He's strong and I'm flexible, so we make a perfect team.

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  15. I think its perfectly ok to not like partner poses if it means you get to avoid smelling other peoples' butt smells.

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  16. I love yoga, too, but I quit going to the studio closest to my house precisely because there are too many partner poses happening. My new place--3 blocks further--is all about personal space. I hear you.

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