Friday, November 16, 2012

Living in a Barbie World

I didn't want to think about the woman whose life goal is to be a human Barbie. When a Facebook friend posted a link about this creature earlier this week, I learned that [name redacted]  devotes long hours and copious amounts of energy into making herself resemble the plastic doll. She's being discussed on the internet this week because of a newly released photo shoot and interview with V Magazine. I won't post her pictures here because they are too disturbing. I looked at them against my better judgment. Seriously, I wish I could unsee that shit. Instead, let's have a picture of my Malibu Barbie from the 70s, dressed in the lovely dress I knitted for her when I was 10.
Malibu B. sure is a woman on the go, walking across my windowsill. She is cute, and fun to dress, but I wouldn't want to turn myself into her. Because, she is, you know, plastic. And can't walk by herself. Or wear flats. Or talk.

The Barbie-emulating woman, I learned from the interview, which I read even though I don't want to think about her, practices astral body projection or some shit. This is a telling detail. After all the energy expended into torturing her physical body, she wants to get out of it.

Once, in college, I was having a conversation at a bar with a guy I worked with on the school newspaper. Giving my thigh a squeeze, he said, "For all of your feminist rhetoric, you really are just a Barbie doll of a girl." It was a confusing moment. I didn't know how to handle this insult wrapped in a compliment wrapped in an insult. On the one hand, I had been attracted to this guy for years and was thrilled that he finally seemed to be reciprocating. On the other hand, "staunch feminist" was a core part of my identity, so his words made me furious. Especially this one: "just." "JUST a Barbie doll of a girl." Nothing much of consequence. You know, I might say I had all these opinions, but the physical evidence was to the contrary. I wish I could tell you that I decimated him with my rhetorical skills before throwing a drink in his face and stalking out.

No, I did not leave. Or argue. Not at all. I can still conjure my 21-year-old self in that bar: the darkness of the room, the lateness of the hour, my black tights and Esprit mini, my soul sliding out of my ass. I don't want to think about that any more than I want to think about the lady in V Magazine. Instead, let's regard B. in some 1970s issue mismatched hostess pajamas. She looks like an extra from The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

Fabulous.

7 comments:

  1. Some people just got issues, like a person who apparently can't ever be present in their body as it is, or a person who can't seem to reconcile attractive woman/feminist woman (or whatever the fuck was wrong with him).

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    1. Thanks, Heather. He actually grew up to be a decent man, as far as I can tell from a distance.

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  2. Maybe I am wrong, and maybe I just like to blame society...but people are f-ed up! I mean look at all the attention that the Kim-whose name you do not mention gets. To me, it's all part of the same craziness that our society feeds on. This obsession with appearances. Recently I took my 12 year old to an orthodontist who wanted to surgically remove part of her jaw for appearance sake--really? Because that seems extreme. If she couldn't talk or chew or close her mouth, ok. But she can do all that, her bottom jaw is just a bit larger. Luckily we found someone who can do a palatal expander and braces to make things "better"--we don't need perfect, we just need it to be a little better so that the molars coming in in her palate have somewhere to go. I don't know, I have been beside myself about doctors that talk to my kid about cosmetic surgery...oh and they mentioned she could get a chin implant when they did the jaw surgery. Really? On a 12 year old? WTF?

    There is something wrong with our society so bent on appearances.

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    1. Thanks, T. I couldn't agree more. I am so glad you found a more sane orthodontist.

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  3. She looks almost normal - but not. A bit scary. Do people really think this is an ideal? If so, beam me up.

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  4. FYI
    Going forward I want to be referred to lovingly as "Malibu Artie". Feel free to knit me whatever you like...though with the price of yarn now and my strapping size it could get pricey. Might be easier to send Malibu Artie a Prada outfit.

    Thanks.

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