Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Costco. No go.

I had never set foot in a Costco. Buying in bulk freaks me out. I love a sale as much as the next person, but that doesn't mean I want to stock up on 12 boxes of mac and cheese or 4 bottles of ketchup. Such excessive frugality makes me feel like I am suffocating. As if I have no options. Like, what if a delicious new brand of ketchup comes along, but now I can't get it because I have enough Heinz to last until Violet enters middle school? I've already committed to a man, a suburban house, these two kids and their bottomless needs, endless laundry--I need to feel like there are some choices left in my life. Even if they are at the market. Goddamn it.

My husband (immoderate buyer of the sale items pictured) heard good things about the reality show Extreme Couponing, and insisted I watch it whenever it debuted a few months ago. Why? I don't know. I detest reality tv; I detest bulk shopping. Four minutes into this poisonous mix, I felt claustrophobic. The premiere extreme couponer showed off a room in her home filled with shelves and shelves of neatly organized rows of detergent and hand sanitizer and what have you. She had insanely overbought with coupons. She said looking at all these purchases gave her "joy."

I thought of this ecstatic couponer when my husband got a bee in his bonnet about checking out Costco, and we had a family trip there one sweltering Sunday. My daughter clung to my hand as we entered the huge warehouse. People were exiting pushing carts filled with gigantic flats of paper towels, 900-pound bags of rice and towers of soda. I was mildly intrigued by the discounted wine and liquor and the thimble-sized free wine tastes. An area roughly the size of a city block was filled with some off-price men's dress shirts. I don't want to buy my husband's shirts where I get my spaghetti sauce. Gross. Soul crushing. I would go to a separate store for each item if possible. Wine at the wine shop, shoes at the shoe store, cake at the bakery, cheese at the cheese shop, etc.

I found the place post-apocalyptic. It felt like the world had ended and the only thing that survived is Costco, and everyone is grabbing what they can to survive.

"I'm scared, mommy," said my daughter.

Smart girl.


13 comments:

  1. wow, i look at costco in a totally different way. while i would love to buy things from individual stores as you mentioned, we just don't have many options for doing so where i live. at costco, i've never bought a case of ketchup or a case of macaroni and cheese; what i do buy, however, are things like really good cheese at great prices - smoked gouda, havarti, brie, goat, fresh mozzarella, etc. at less than half of what you'd pay at the regular market. proscuitto, salmon, frozen shrimp, olive oil, wine, fresh fruit - all pricey items that are way cheaper at costco and can be bought in very reasonable sizes. maybe my costco experience is different because i'm only buying fresh, whole items? i rarely wander down the packaged aisles, as we just won't eat that many crackers, cookies, chips, etc. so, i guess i would encourage you to look at it with slightly different eyes - great fresh, whole-food type items at a very good cost. happy shopping! :)

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  2. I hate Costco with the fire of a thousand suns. There is an older Mike Judge flick called idiocracy -definitely worth a watch. Hilarious view of the future where even law school is in Costco.

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  3. My 11-yr-old daughter likes going to Costco (not sure why, but suspect it's because it's the closest thing we do to a "normal" family activity). She also watched extreme couponing and later laughed herself insensible trying to describe some man buying 20 years worth of cereal to cram into his garage. Just because we can doesn't mean we should. That said, it's one of the only places in town to buy lamb.

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  4. I must clarify that none of these items were purchased at Costco-- we we were just checking it out to see if we should join.

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  5. Costco is worth it for me just for the optical section. I just got a pair of glasses with Marc Jacobs frames for about $200 total. The electronics section is also amazing and everything comes with a standard 2 year warranty. Not trying to shill for Costco, but I'm a believer nowadays. My dad has been obsessed for years and I didn't get it until I made some big ticket purchases like a laptop, TV and even these glasses. I don't have room for a lot of the other bulk items, as I live in a small apartment in Brooklyn, so what I do is split things with a friend (who actually has the membership). The value and quality of most products, including the store brand (Kirkland) is just tremendous.

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  6. We do the costco dance. . . once a month or so. The thing that always amazes me is how perfectly normal and intelligent people walk in that store and turn into complete dazed idiots. The Open Letter to Costco Shoppers that circulated around the internet last Spring still cracks me up.
    http://www.komonews.com/news/topline/120513819.html

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  7. My husband and I belong to sam's club - once a month we buy paper towel, T.P, and frozen chicken breasts, and frozen food items since we could never finish anything ourselves in time. But I agree, the whole store freaks us both out, my husband has to mentally prepare for it, all those people and their carts are so full. I guess if I had 6 kids or something I'd need it. But other than for family parties and the monthly necessities I wouldn't care if we used it ever again.

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  8. Costco freaks me out BUT a friend who is a health inspector told me they have some of the most stringent food safety standards in the industry. They voluntarily test all of their ground beef and require their produce suppliers to test for e. coli. That makes me want to support them despite the crazy 4-gallon ketchup bottles.

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  9. I decided to do as much of my shopping at Costco as possible due to their politics. When I learn that a company supports conservative, republican causes/candidates, I stop giving them my money (yes, I'm a progressive).
    I don't know all companies' politics, but when I find out, there's no going back. Costco supports liberal agendas. Plus, like some mention above, they have a quality product and are concerned about the customer.
    I do prefer to shop at independently owned shops whenever possible, however.
    Anyone remember when shoe stores all had the little ramp in front of each chair so a salesperson could put shoes on your feet? But I digress...

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  10. Thanks, Lee. I didn't know about all that.

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  11. I am so with you on this trend of stocking up and extreme couponing. Makes me shudder. I never shop at Costco or Sam's club.

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  12. There was a meme going around the internet a little while ago, about how you would go about surviving if you were trapped inside a Costco for the rest of your life.

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